Aggie Executive Orders
From what I hear and see on the news, the Executive Order or EO has reached it’s all-time pinnacle of federal governing power. In the past two weeks, hundreds of EOs have been signed with the highly publicized purposes of solving myriad national economic and political problems, including knocking rampant inflation in the head.
Which got me to thinking about ways executive orders might affect U.S. agriculture. As stated repeatedly in the media and elsewhere, two major national problems in agriculture that influence inflation — and have the public laser focused on — are the skyrocketing prices of eggs and beef to consumers. Consumers are really sensitive about the high prices of both these products.
So, how effectively might executive orders solve those two high priority problems? For convenience sake, let’s call them Aggie Executive Orders or AEOs.
To me, the rules of basic science are more powerful than the rules of Aggie Executive Orders.
The solution to get lower egg prices is getting more eggs through hens and into the supermarket. And, I don’t think there is any Aggie Executive Order than will make a baby chick hatch any faster than 21 days, or make hens lay more than one egg per day, or make a new pullet start laying eggs any faster than five and a half to six months.
Likewise, the solution to get lower beef prices is more beef in the supermarket. To get more beef requires more calf-producing heifers and cows. Again, I don’t think there is any Aggie Executive Order than can mature a heifer to calf-bearing age in fewer than 18 months, nor speed up the bovine gestation period faster than the biologic norm of 279-292 days.
So, to me it looks like consumers need to realize it will take time to bring about actual production of more eggs and beef. Aggie Executive Orders can’t solve the problem.
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Okay, let’s switch from animal science to soil science. Thanks to a kindly reader from Burlingame, Kan., for submitting this humor. Here it is:
One day a group of young, up-and-coming scientists got together and decided that mankind had come such a long way with computerization and artificial intelligence that it no longer needed the Divine. So, to get their scientific logic out in the public, the group got selected to have a slot on the agenda of a multi-faith conference on religion in Rome.
Out on the stage and in front of the television cameras, the group’s spokesman announced, “Science has brought us to the point that mankind no longer needs religion. We’re to the point now where we can clone people, manipulate genes, and do many miraculous things, so next time you pray, tell your deities to just butt out.”
“Oh, really?” said one priest, stepping forward. “Well, we’ll just see what they have to say about that.” Then he looked to the heavens, bowed his head, murmured a quiet prayer, and genuflected. And, sure enough, in the blink of an eye the sky opened up and a thunderous voice rang out. “I challenge you to a man-making contest,” the voice said.
The eager scientists conferred and readily agreed.
“Now, we’re going to do this just like I did in the old days,” the voice added.
“OK, no problem,” said the lead scientist, bending down to scoop up some earth.
“No, no, no,” said the voice. “You go get your own dirt.”
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Now that the U.S. has an official Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), a kindly Oklahoma reader submitted a first project for the DOGE folks to tackle. Here it is:
There’s an old saying that “When you find that you’re riding a dead horse … get off.” But we note that in certain government administrative manuals, there’s a whole range of far more advanced strategies as possibilities when confronted by a dead horse:
1. Buy a stronger whip.
2. Change riders.
3. Appoint a committee to study the horse.
4. Lower the standards so dead horses can be included.
5. Reclassify the dead horse as “living impaired.”
6. Retain outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
7. Harness several dead horses together to increase mass and velocity.
8. Provide additional training/funding to enhance the dead horse’s performance.
9. Declare that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and thus contributes substantially more to the economic bottom line than do live horses.
10. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
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As I write this column on my 82nd birthday, Jan. 30, and Nevah’s milestone 80th birthday, she has left me — for just four days. She, her twin sister, three daughters, and three nieces have left on a Florida celebration of the twin’s birthday.
So, I’ll be batching for a few days and to celebrate I’m hosting the Old Geezer Gang Coffee Group to enjoy a vegetable/beef lunch here at Damphewer Acres. I betcha we have a good time.
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This week launches my 52nd year of writing this column. I ain’t promising nuthin’ for the future but I’ll try to stay the course.
Words of wisdom for the week: “Mother Nature makes us endure February to get to March and Spring, but remember, Mother Nature never lets February block the gate into March.” Have a good ‘un.
