Scammer’s rainfall report
I can’t think of, nor describe, a lower form of human pest than the internet scammer. Those are the folks who with irritatingly, frustratingly — and with miserable frequency — plunge themselves, uninvited, into our lives, thereby, disrupting our daily routines, wasting our time, and adding an unneeded layer of social media distraction and annoyance.
There are many forms of these social media harassers, but, to me, the absolutely worst are the scammers trying to “assure that I’m getting all the benefits possible from my government Medicare program (euphemistically called an entitlement).”
These social flea-bites make calls to my cell phone at least twice every day, and sometimes as many as five. They pose as caring folks, only interested in my well-being, which is the farthest thing from the truth. They want to sell me additional Medicare supplemental insurance and, thereby, gain for themselves a sales commission.
From conversing with them, it’s unclear if they are employed by the government or by insurance companies, or a foreign scumbag. Any way, it should be illegal and prosecutable.
Furthermore, the phone calls appear to originate from small towns and cities all across Kansas. Strangely though, all of the callers have strongly foreign accents that I can barely decipher. Who would have guessed so many of them have a phone-scamming job while living in so many Kansas small towns. Ha!
I’ve tried many ways to dissuade these social misfits. Calm reasoning doesn’t work. Politely asking for removal from their to-call list doesn’t work. Neither does a richly-deserved cussing out. The only method that works is not answering the phone, but even that is distracting.
However, I have developed a method that’s mildly amusing to me, and works about 100% of the time with the scammers hanging up on the call. As a public service, I’m passing along my method for scamming a scammer.
Here’s what I did just this morning when the first scammer called at 7:50. I noticed that the call supposedly originated in Burlington, Kan. When I answered, the scammer started his heavily accented spiel. I politely interrupted and said, “I noticed that you’re calling from Burlington. I have a lot of friends there and I’m wondering how much it’s rained there this week? And, how were the crop yields this fall?
Usually, this is the point that the scammer hangs up. But, this morning’s scammer wuz persistent (maybe desperate) and tried to play the game with me. After a long pause on his end of the line, he replied (as best I could understand), “I think around 120 millimeters of rain.”
I replied, “Why, thank you, sir. I didn’t realize that the good folks in Burlington had switched to the metric system and are now measuring their rainfall in millimeters, not inches.”
Then I burst out laughing. It was then the hopefully-frustrated scammer hung up.
I’ll conclude my anti-scamming diatribe with this observation. Convicted scammers should serve at least five years behind bars.
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Last week, I made a suggested list of “aggie acronyms” that rural folks could use to make their communications efforts more efficient. That little gag apparently resonated with some readers and inspired them to email me some of their own suggested acronyms. Here they are:
From Missouri: CFWT (Cutting Fire Wood Today); IHBF (I Hate Building Fence); CCWN (Combine Computer Went Nuts); EBMT (Extension Beef Meeting Tonight); and DPWST (Dinged Pickup With Stock Trailer).
From Oklahoma: TRTE (Team Roping This Evening); BUTC (Bought Used Tree Cutter); GSB (Getting Steer Butchered); and FLEQT (Felt Little Earth Quake Today).
From Colorado: DIWP (Dusted In Wheat Planting); BSIM (Beautiful Sunset In Mountains); EMTW (Elk Meat This Winter).
From Kansas: GEO (Glad Election Over); BMASB (Bought Mineral And Salt Blocks); CCFBF (Cleared Cedars From Back Forty); PUDS (Put Up Deer Stand); GPH (Going Pheasant Hunting); and FLWT (Feels Like Winter Today).
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A friend from Wichita sent me the following sad text message. It read, “I recently texted a short, romantic note to my wife while I was away on a pheasant hunting trip and I missed one small ‘e.’
“No problem you might say. Not so. This tiny error has caused me to seek police protection to enter my own house.
“I wrote, ‘Hi darling, I’m enjoying and experiencing the best time of my whole life and I wish you were her’!”
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For this week, here are some words of wisdom from wise folks: “Agriculture is our wisest pursuit because it will in the end contribute most to real wealth, good morals, and happiness.” — Thomas Jefferson.
“It’s clear that agriculture, done right, is the best means the world has today to simultaneously tackle food security, poverty and environmental degradation.” — Irene Rosenfeld.
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Have a good ‘un.
